frontier

(it was debated whether or not to use profanity in this blog but the feel of the blog would not be as strong as needed).

being young is a great thing. sometimes i feel like i am in denial, mainly because laura calls me old. however, the other day my professor asked me how old i was and i when i told him he basically said i was still a kid. being almost thirty i don't feel much like a kid… i take that back. i have so much energy lately and i can kind of see how much potential i have at this moment.

when i think back on how depressed i was when i was in my teens and early twenties, i get angry at myself for wasting emotions and energy; i get angry for wasting so much time thinking about myself and focusing on my "problems". looking back, i really didn't have any problems. i could have been a much better person if i just changed my mindset. of course i was being lied to by school and teachers about a "real world" and how i have to act a certain way when i "grow up".

i had the potential to be something great. i could have been anyone and done anything i wanted… but i didn't know that until recently.

a while back my brother sent me a card with a cat looking into a mirror. its reflection was not that of a cat, but that of a grown lion. it's funny how the little things change your life. now, for me, a lion symbolizes strength, power, wildness, living life as a frontier, the unexpected and the courage to take on that unexpectedness. it's like saying "i'm here.i don't know what today is going to bring but i will give it my all". its a way of living by the seat of my pants, no matter what life throws at me i well be fearless in my attack (seize the day). but it's not that i will just do my best, i will succeed. i can be better than what i think. when it comes down to what i am saying i have to quote the movie "the rock" when nicholas cage mentioned something about doing his best. sean connery reacted by stating: "your best? losers always whine about their best... winners go home and fuck the prom queen".